The Alamo

We had intended to stop at little kitschy places (think Worlds Largest Ball of Twine) along the way but really really wanted to make sure we had entry if time in New Orleans and Savannah, GA so hadn't at all.

But, thanks to my tendency towards crabbiness when my blood sugar is low (shocking, I know), we decided to stop in San Antonio for some lunch. And found The Alamo. :)

And the Riverwalk where we took a picture of the giant Christmas Tree for my dear friend Vicki who grew up in nearby (by Texas standards) Kenedy (we waved).

The Alamo was cool just cuz it's The Alamo. But living in SoCal, with all our Missions, once you've seen a mission you've kinda seen 'em all.

Still worth the stop, though.

The Great (and windy) State of Texas

5:30am came REAL early. Especially for me since my body has NO idea what time zone it's in at this point.

But thankfully, I'm a morning person! I LOVE getting on the road early. Especially with a good breakfast
(see waffle below...I'm doing this from my phone so pictures will be at the bottom I think)

I grabbed my coffee and we left. Now, I've always thought Texas was a perfectly fine state but after driving through the lockdown that was Arizona, I LOVE Texas! And of course its 80 miles an hour daytime speed limit (65 at night).

If you want to make it across Texas FAST? Do it during the day.

And keep your "not-a-morning-person" husband like this:

Lots of cattle and plenty of rolling hills and plenty of dead deer on the side of the road.

How about a Texas Tow Truck?

If you look closely at the picture you can see a rope between the two trucks. Yup. A rope. Driver in the front truck. Driver in the back truck. Lol

Only in the Great State of Texas!

3 States in 13 hours

We are in our fifth state in 2 says. I'd say that's a LOT of driving.

Our plan has always been to haul you-know-what to get across Texas so we could enjoy our time in the South.

I'd say we accomplished that.

We left San Diego early Tuesday morning and headed East.

Arizona was not the easiest drive since, I kid you not, there was one Cop for every two miles across the entire width of the state. And they were not just there for looks!

Deming, NM was where we decided to have dinner and we were not disappointed. John tried fried okra for the first time and we knew by the all you can eat salad bar and HUGE plastic cups that we were not in California anymore.

Plus, at 6pm, the street lights were blinking and most gas stations were closed.

Yup. Not in Kansas anymore.

We made it just a bit over the Texas border to Van Horn and called it a day. Crawled in bed at midnight and set the alarm for 5:30am.

Tomorrow, we conquer Texas!

What Stage are we on now??

After being at Grammy and Papa's for a few days, it's time for me to go back to San Diego and start the cross country drive with my hubby.

I'm looking forward to it for us but a little sad/worried about the munchkins.  They both have colds and I hate to leave them when they do but they are safe with Grammy and Papa and better off here than in a car with us for days.

I do have to say, I am really excited about being on a plane ALL BY MYSELF for several hours.  Aaaahhhh.  Peace and quiet and nobody to worry about but me.  Ear plugs and a book here I come!

Saying goodbye has never been so cute

We tried to do as much saying goodbye to friends and family as we could before we left California.  We weren't able to catch everyone but are so glad we got the chance with the people we did.

London, William and Alexander

William and his best friend Liam after their sleepover

1 day left...

And 2 sick kiddos. :(

Thank goodness John will be home 1 day before the movers get here. I didn't get as much done as I would have liked.

Wow.

Breathe...breathe...breathe.

All that matters is that we all get there in one piece. Which we will so I'm going to stop worrying and go to sleep.

Just a little more packing...

2 Days and counting...

Sigh. Ready. Well, mentally and emotionally.

In reality? Not even close.

Why, when packing, do your belongings suddenly multiply like bunny rabbits? Or at the very least, like DUST Bunnies.

You know what I mean! The more stuff you box up, the more stuff there seems to be.

U...G...H

2 more days.

In 2 days whatever is done, is done and we're on our way.

2...

More...

Days.

Phew. ;)

3 Days and counting...

All the "Good-Byes" are done and now the packing focus is in high gear.

This is what you have for dinner in our house when you're trying to use everything in your fridge...

And this is what your kitchen looks like when you're packing NOT to unload for 6 months and still using stuff 'til the last minute...

And I'd better use up the open bottle of Tequila, right? Hate to waste THAT! ;)

We are really doing well. Just keep remembering that it's gonna get done however it gets done and as long as we all make it there healthy, we done good! ;)

Finishing off this tequila should help Mama keep that in mind! :)

Breathe...Breathe...Breathe

Feeling a bit overwhelmed today with all there is to do.

Lots to pack. For the movers. For the airplane trip. For my cross country road trip.

What goes where?

What can go there?

What do I really need?

What do the kids really need?

Sigh

Don't think beyond the present minute, Laura.

Do what there is to do RIGHT NOW and no other time but RIGHT NOW.

Breathe...Breathe...Breathe

Stage Two

As most of you know, the West Coast Petreykos are soon to merge with the East Coast Petreykos and we are getting down to the wire.

As of today John and I will never be in this house together again. Weird. He left for a 10 day show in Monterrey and the boys and I fly to New Hampshire next week while he is still gone.

Weird.

Stay tuned...

Day 12: Something You Don't Leave the House Without

My initial thought was my wallet.  However, my instantaneous NEXT thought was "That's a lie!".  As William will tell you, we have wound up at the store more times than I care to admit, only to have me exclaim "DANG IT!".  So many times in fact, that I don't even get to finish the sentence before William says "Ahhhh, Mom.  Did you forget your wallet?"  Yeah.  It's that bad.

I suppose the thing I don't leave the house without is my phone.  I always take it when I have the kids with me and we're off on some exciting adventure (you know, like to the grocery store for the 3rd time that week).  I even take it with me when I go for runs since it's my music as well. 

Yup.  I may forget my wallet and leave my keys but I'm rarely to never without my phone.

Day 11: Favorite TV Shows

I'm a mother of a 4 year old and a 21 month old.  I don't HAVE favorite TV shows! LOL I have "kids shows that annoy me LESS than all the others". :)

Well, I suppose I have a few that I enjoy that are more grown up fare but after Prison Break ended, there really hasn't been one I DIE to see every week.

I like Criminal Minds.  The only problem is that I'm a big chicken and can't watch it when my husband isn't home which means I rarely watch it since he's rarely home. :)

I also like Big Bank Theory.  Sheldon ROCKS!

Okay, so I know this is pretty boring stuff but I'm bound and determined to finish this 30 Day Challenge I started even if it takes me a YEAR!! LOL

Thanks for bearing with the boring ones.  Hopefully more interesting topics will follow, whether my own or this Challenge's.

More William funnies...

After the boys and I tried unsuccesfully to "help" the fly get out of the house rather than get smushed, Mommy says "I guess I'll just have to smush him" To which William responds with "Mom. What have I told you about smushing people?" LMAO!!! At least I know he listens!

Day 10: Something You're Afraid Of

There really are few things that I'm truly afraid of.  I'd prefer not to have to deal with spiders but I can't really say I'm afraid of them.  I don't look forward to my boys facing the hard times in life but I'm not afraid of it. Or the hard times I may face.

The only thing I'm afraid of is that I won't be one of the "Lucky One's".  You know, the lucky families who get to see their kids grow into adulthood.  Safe.  Well-adjusted.  Good, happy people. 

The only thing I'm afraid of is that either I or my kids will die before we get to live our lives to the fullest. 

I know I could and would survive anything else.

Day 9: A Picture of my best friend

*ok.  I know "Day 9" took...well...a long time.  But here it is*

This is kind of like my favorite movies, there are several.  Each of these women have and continue to be vital spokes in the wheel of my life.

My closest friend who has known me the longest (and STILL loves me):

My "Sister-from-another-Mother-who-is-2 months-Younger-Than-Me" (not quite sure how that pregnancy worked):

Unfortunately, both of these fantastic ladies live ENTIRELY too far away!

I also have a GREAT group of Mom friends whom are the reason I am not COMPLETELY insane!:

William "Mommy, Alexander sure has a lot of paper"(newspaper he's playing with) "He must be recyclin" 

Cotton Eyed Joe

Some of you may recall this video of William when he was about the age Alexander is now (1.5 yrs):

I STILL laugh so hard I cry when I watch this.  He is SO darn cute!

Well, with our Dance Party Dinner the other night, John mentioned this song and we decided to pull it up to see what Alexander would do.

Although it's a different interpretation, I think it's just as cute!

Dance Party Dinner Time!

Our dinner time entertainment:

MORE dancing...

the Grand Finale!!!



They're so fun!

Do you get it yet, Mommy????

My youngest son (19 months old) has been easy going since birth.  So easy going in fact, that on the way home from the hospital, he was SO quiet, both John and I FORGOT he was even in the back seat!

Now that's not to say he isn't loud when he chooses to be but as you'll see from the following story, it's usually when he really really really needs us to understand something. Usually.

Alexander has always been easy to put to bed.  He may not sleep the longest, but he's simple to put to bed.  Give him his puppy and his paci.  Turn on his noise machine.  Hug, kiss and lay him down.  He's pretty much put himself to sleep since he was brand new.

Well the last few days have not been that way.  Mr. Fussypants all the way!  Tonight I'd really gotten to the point that I figured it was just one of those "stages" and he was just gonna have to learn to soothe himself to sleep, darn it!

So the "let-him-cry-for-10-minutes-and-then-go-check-on-him-and-lay-him-back-down-in-the-crib-and-walk-out" routine commenced.

And continued...

SCREAMING

and

"MAMA!!! WHEH AHHHHH YOOUUUUUU???"

( he doesn't say much but he can say that)

and CONTINUED...

For an hour and a half!

Each time, nothing was noticeably wrong with him.  I even turned the light on once which I NEVER do after I've put him to bed.

I was just about to let him cry longer when I went in one last time.  I must have grabbed his paci differently than any other time...

OOOHHHHHH!!!  I get it now, Buddy!

Poor Punky!  I got him a new paci.  Snuggled him in the rocking chair.  I even apologized that it took me so long to get it.  He grunted what could only have been "I forgive you"

"It's tough not being able to talk, isn't it Buddy"

He said "Uh huh" and giggled. 

Then laid right down in his crib and went to sleep.

Day 8: A place you've traveled to

Although I'm not what you would call a "World Traveller", I've been a few places in my life.  I tend to like "beachy" places...Cancun, Bahamas, Puerto Vallarta, Barbados, St. Thomas, Hawaii, etc.  Which is sort of comical since I LIVE in a "beachy" place and rarely go to the beach.

A few years ago, John and I were hanging out at his apartment (we were dating at the time), listening to music, etc. and he said he had a surprise for me and wasn't sure if he should COMPLETELY surprise me with it or just kind of surprise me with it.  Well you CAN'T say something like that and keep it a COMPLETE surprise at that point, right?  He says he's had it planned for months but now that it's getting closer he thinks maybe he should tell me because he knows how much I enjoy looking forward to things (true) but really wants to surprise me so he's torn. 

Now, keep in mind, I have always been VERY hard to surprise so I'm already excited he's managed it thus far.  I mean, I knew EVERY time one of those previous 3 fiances I mentioned earlier was going to propose!  TRULY!  EVERY TIME! (sorry if any of you are now reading this).  For example, the night my first fiance was going to propose (go ahead, laugh here), I was waiting tables and was about to get off work to meet him when my boss asked me to stay late.  I told them that I couldn't because I KNEW my boyfriend was going to propose to me that night!  KNEW!  (and yes, he did).  But I digress!

Needless to say, finding out that he had managed to plan something and keep it from me this long (the "surprise" was in 3 weeks) was a feat no other man had accomplished and I was impressed.   He gave me a hint and told me that it was a trip somewhere to which I replied "You'd BETTER tell me!  I have enough "clothing trauma" here at home, let alone trying to pack for a place I have no idea what the weather is going to be or what kind of activities we might be doing there!" (you girls can relate, right?)

He agrees and sends me an email, with our travel itinerary.  I'm ALL excited now, scrolling down nervously I read

Depart: LAX 6am

(we lived 2 miles from the San Diego Airport so that was curious)

scrolling

scrolling

scrolling

Arrive: Chicago O'Hare Airport  10am

"WE"RE GOING TO CHICAGO!!!!!! 
Cool!  I've never been to Chicago!!!"

I turn around with a BIG smile, look at John to say "Thank you!" and he's looking at me like I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed.  "Keep scrolling" he says.

SO...I keep

scrolling

Depart: Chicago O'Hare 3pm

scrolling

scrolling

Arrive:

Charle De Gaulle Airport  8am

"WE'RE GOING TO PARIS??????????"

Even now, I get the same choked up feeling I had in that moment.  Teary eyed.  Wowed.  Nobody has EVER done anything so...thoughtful and extravagant... for me before.  I'm so excited and moved that I don't even get up to hug him or anything.  I believe I was speechless (WOW! right?)  And my loving, sweet thoughtful, beautiful boyfriend laughs and says to me

"Wow.  I could have gotten away with just taking you to Chicago?"

with that twinkle in his eye.

That now resides in our eldest son's eye as well.

Kind

Mischievous

LOVING

THAT twinkle.

These are some of my favorite places we saw on our wonderful Springtime adventure in Paris.  AMAZING!

Just an alley way I thought was beautiful

A mausoleum at one of the many cemeteries we visited.  I LOVE cemeteries!

Tulips are my FAVORITE flower!  They were everywhere. Like here, at

Pere-Lachaise cemetery (where Jim Morrison is buried)

The view of Versailles from across the street

We were eating crepes. :)

The Rodin Museum



Buildings at the Hameau at Versailles
It was once a farming village on the grounds.
Beautiful

I truly hope we can go back someday.  sigh.  If you get the chance and you love historical architecture, museums, parks and (my favorite) cemeteries, you have GOT to go!

Day 7: Favorite Movies

There are...

Movies-That-Sucked-Me-in-and-Left-Me-Slack-jawed

Movies-I-Watch-Over-and-Over-and-Over-Again (much to my Hubby's chagrin)

Movies-I-Adored-In-Childhood/Young-Adulthood

and

Movies-That-ALWAYS-Remind-Me-of-My-Dad

What are your favorite movies?

Day 6: A picture of something that makes you happy

Like this is a surprise!

and this

Day 5: A song to match your mood

I love this song. I was definitley feeling this way on day 5.

Day 4: Parentals

I know, I've missed a couple days.  I've been single mom'ing it, under the weather and to be honest, confronted about writing my parents and doing them justice.  This still doesn't come anywhere close, but if I had waited until it was exactly how I wanted it to be, my own children would be grown and out of the house by then!

So, here's  Day 4: My Parents


Thinking about my parents makes me smile.  Especially since becoming a parent myself.

Like most kids, I always thought I knew who my parents were and what they were like.  You know, "My Mom IS this way" or "My Dad WOULD/WOULDN'T do/say/be that".  Now that I'm a parent, I can see that no matter how much I know about my parents, for the most part, it's through the lens of them being my parent, not necessarily who they are as whole people.  And that's okay, but I know enough now to know that whatever I think I know about them is only part of the story.  

We'll start with my Mom.  My Mom is the oldest of four kids born to two crazy kids from Wyoming.  She lived all over the country (and sometimes out) as she grew up with a Navy father. 

My Dad is the middle of three, born to a Baptist Preacher/Air Force man/re-builder of cars from Wisconsin and a stay at home mom from Texas.  He also moved around most of his life.

My Dad was 20, either on leave or very close to being drafted into the Air Force during the Vietnam War.  At 19, my Mom was working and dating and living life.  One fateful evening, she went cruising with some girlfriends.  Her friends started flirting with some cute boys in another car  who invited them to go to a party.  From what I remember being told, my mother was NOT thrilled about going to this party with these boys they did not know but she went anyway. 

Well, I'm sure you've already guessed, but one of those handsome young men was my father.  And boy did he make an impression on my mother!  She couldn't STAND him!  She barely tolerated him speaking to her the entire evening and when she finally got her friends to leave the party, she saw him passed out, face down in the front yard (hmmmm....interesting that I met my husband, drunk in a bar.) and couldn't have cared less!  I believe one of her friends even asked if they should help him and my mother assured her that was not at ALL necessary.

Needless to say, he was a charmer because somehow, some way, he managed to not only have her give him the time of day and go out on a date, but married her less than a year later.  A few years later, after having one daughter already, they became my parents. 

What a lucky girl I am to have been born to them. 

(Now, it's quite possible that some details of this story are slightly (or completely) inaccurate, but this is how I remember what I've been told.  Makes an interesting story though, right?)

Day 3: Your First Love

Hmmm...First Love, huh?  First Love.  I think writing about my First LUST would be easier. First INFATUATION easier still.  But First LOVE?  That one is surprisingly difficult  

I know, I know.  How could that possibly be difficult for the woman who (as my Husband so eloquently put it) "Never met a proposal (she) didn't like"? (funny, isn't he?).  I think that's precisely why it's difficult.  I've been in love many times (obviously).  Some didn't even include a proposal so you can imagine the number!   But looking back, and yes this is going to sound cheesy, none of them was what I would call Real Love.  Until John. 

He is the first one I've ever really... chosen.  Others were puppy love, or love that evolved more because that was the direction it should go rather than it being the direction I/we really felt it going.  Others I felt more swept away by and caught up in.  But John, John I chose.  From the very first moment we met. And I keep on choosing him, every day, in every way.  And I'm very lucky he chooses me too.

(I'll tell the story of how we met another time)

Day 2 - Figuring Out Family LIfe

Today's task is telling you the meaning behind my blog name.  At first glance, I thought this post would be about 2 sentences long because I think it's pretty self explanatory...Figuring...Out...Family...Life.  And this is true.  However, I took on this challenge to work on my writing so write I must.

When I was younger, I would have laughed at this title.  "What do you MEAN figuring out family life?  How hard can it be?"  Haha. I never knew having a family could be so complicated.  And perhaps, it's complicated because I make it that way.  I would agree with that in some instances.  However, I think it's more universal than that. 

Getting married and having kids (which I did in a rather accelerated fashion once I started) has completely turned my world upside down.  I think some of it has to do with becoming a family later in life (I had my first child at 36) and some of it is just the design of being in relationship with other people whose lives and future depend on you...every moment of every day.  I had always been fairly independent and really enjoyed being able to do what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it.  I never realized how much, until I had kids.

This blog is about trying to figure out all of that.  The crazy, exciting, boring, amazing, tough, trying, mind boggling balancing act of being a wife, mother and (oops, almost forgot) person.

I hope you enjoy it.  And please comment!  I LOVE getting feedback from people.  It makes me feel like I'm still connected to the Over 3year old set! :)

Day 1 - 30 Day Challenge

Several times a day I feel a great blog post in me.  And then when I have a moment to sit and write...POOF!!! NOTHING is there.  Nothing.  Even when I still remember the topic, I can't seem to summon up the, I don't know, juice of it.  The driving force of why I wanted to write about it in the first place.

So, I decided that perhaps I just need to practice writing.  And to do that I am going to do this "30 Day Challenge" thing.

Beginning today:


Day 1: Introduce, recent picture of yourself, 15 interesting facts


Even though I think I introduced myself when I started, I'll try again.  Hi.  My name is Laura.  I'm a wife, mother, daughter, friend, stranger, neighbor, and woman.  I'm about to complete my 40th year on the planet. 

1.  I drew a picture of a red robin sitting in a tree when I was in 4th grade.  It traveled the world in an exhibit from China.  I wonder if I could ever find it?

2.  I've been engaged 4 times.  Married twice.

3.  I'm so terribly afraid that something terribly, awful, horrible will happen to me, my husband or my children.

4.  For 2 years, I worked for a Major League Baseball team.  It was an amazing experience.  I wish I would have enjoyed it more.

5.  My favorite conversations are those where there is never an answer found and your head hurts from being so stretched by the end of it.  I smile just thinking about this.

6.  At the time of the 9/11 attacks, I was married to an Iranian man and was step-mother to his 3 children.  I was afraid for them every day in those first few weeks when anyone with Middle Eastern looks was potentially in danger.  It was such a scary time on so many levels.

7.   I used to know what my gifts were but since becoming a Mom, I'm not so sure.

8.  My need to understand and be understood often outweighs my ability to shut up and listen.

9.  My dear friends matter as much to me as my children and husband.  I am fiercely protective of all of them.  Fiercely.

10.  When we were dating, my Husband surprised me with a 2 week trip to Paris.  Those memories have helped me through MANY a day.

11.  If I could spend every day wandering around old/ancient buildings and cities, learning of their history, I would he a happy happy girl.

12.  I was told I might not be able have children.  Found the right guy. 2 weeks for child #1.  3 months for child #2. :)

13.  We named my eldest son after my father who died before ever meeting my husband or my children.  I miss him deeply almost daily.

14.  My husband and I met in a bar.

15.  Just thinking about a beach vacation has me smelling salt water, coconuts and feeling light, weightless and free.  smile.

Man, that was hard to come up with 15 facts!  Okay.  Here's a kind of recent picture:

Up, up and away

I'm up early, sneaking out of the house so I (maybe) don't wake up the kids and Daddy can sleep a little longer.  It's still a bit dark outside so I'm heading to the gym instead of running on the street (yes, I'm paranoid about someone jumping me. An almost 40 year old. Here.  In suburbia.). 

I'm driving the 2 miles to the gym when I see something kinda cool.  So I turn around and go pile all my boys into the car for a little adventure!

Here's how we began our day.  I hope yours started out as fun! (listen carefully for the running commentary. heehee)



Swim, little fishies, Swim

Ahhhh....Spr-Summer.  Seems we don't get too much Spring here in the Inland Empire.  Just rain and then 80 degrees, rain then 80 degrees.  Hence, Spr-summer.   And even though actual Summer here means 90-100 degree days, I think I'm really gonna like it this year for two reasons.  I'm FINALLY getting the last baby weight to come off (slowly but surely) and the boys are learning to swim.

Now the swimming was a bit of a battle in our house.  And I'm not talking about between me and the two shortest members of our family, they've been fine (for the most part).  Oh, no, I am talking about our resident Tough Guy, "doesn't get worked up about anything" dude, Daddy.

And to be fair (or really to cover my hiney so he thinks I'm at least, well, being fair), the lessons aren't your typical "hang out in the shallow end and if you feel like it, splash a bit" kind of swim lessons.  Nope, these are ISR swim lessons where they learn to actually survive should they fall into any body of water (we have a pool see) until someone can get to them or they can get themselves out of the water.  In other words, they really learn some stuff.  And they warn you that in the beginning, this learning can be, well, upsetting to the children. 

And me, being the kind of person who likes to prepare for the worst, actually disclosed said potential "upsetting" part to my Tough Guy Husband by saying , "Yeah. They could potentially scream bloody murder throughout each and every lesson and beg not to go" (or something like that).  Forgetting that my Hubby is NOT the kind of person who likes to prepare for the worst.  As a matter of fact, he likes to pretend that the worst CANNOT POSSIBLY happen until the very last second before said "worst"  actually transpires. Not to mention that he can't even think straight when someone he loves is crying.  Yup, Tough Guy.

SO, given my eloquence in explaining these lessons, John's impression/opinion is that I am voluntarily "TORTURING" our children for no apparent reason.  Nice, huh? 

See, it's not that he doesn't want the boys to learn how to swim, he just doesn't want them to cry in the process.  Or have to do anything they don't want to do.  Or cry. Did I mention that he doesn't want them to cry? HA!  So much so that the day before the lessons he actually said to me not to tell him about it if the boys did freak out and it was hard for me cuz he wouldn't be any help whatsoever.  Poor widdle Papa Bear not wanting the Mean Mama Bear to make his cubs do something scaawy. 

To be honest, I wasn't sure how it would be for me to have my sweet little boys get REALLY upset and want to quit or not even get in the water.  BUT, I knew that it wouldn't be much different than when I had to teach William how to soothe himself to sleep when he was struggling as a little baby.  I would just cry too and make sure they couldn't see.  Because I knew this was the right thing to do.  For them.

So are you wondering yet how it's going?  We are almost done with the first of 6-8 weeks and yes, the boys have cried.  Alexander always wants to get in the water as soon as he sees it but then cries "DONE" the whole lesson.  Until today.  No crying.  None. :)  William.  Ah sweet William.  I guess the best way to describe how it is for William is to use the words he said to one of his friends after his very first lesson.  "I'm learning how to swim!  I cried alot.  But when I'm done I'm so PROUD of myself!"

Yup.  That's what I want my kids to know from this very young age.  Learning and growing can be hard.  Upsetting even.  But as long as you keep trying things and practicing, you'll be SO PROUD of yourself when you're done.

P.S.  Daddy is even coming around.  He told William he'd come watch one of his lessons. :)  Softie.

It's 2011.  Just typing that number seems a bit "sci-fi" for some reason.  The 2000's didn't seem so weird but suddenly the 2010's seem a bit like fiction.  Perhaps it's the number.  Perhaps it's my age (I'll be 40 in a few months).  Perhaps it's because in the last few years, life has suddenly gotten so very real that it seems sur-real.   

I've thought about, casually, what I would like 2011 to be like for me.  For my husband.   For my sons.  I'm finding I have more questions than answers this year.   

How is it that when life gets really really real, it feels more un-real than anything you've ever lived before?  Maybe that's just me.  Maybe that's just getting older and having life happen.  Maybe it's because my life has never been very difficult.  I don't know. I'm curious.

I'm curious what it takes to claw your way back when just about everything you've worked so hard for goes away.  I'm curious what it takes to create something new and powerful while you're in the middle of it.  I want to know how you do all of this gracefully. 



I want to know how you do this for yourself when "yourself" isn't the only person you need to think about.  I want to know how you support someone else who's going through the same thing when both of you are just trying to put one foot in front of the other every day and figure out not only how you got here but how you get to where you want to be.  And probably most of all, how do you do it honestly, authentically with those around you without being a total downer or just hiding away when things aren't going your way? 

If you know me, you know that I don't keep much private.  I share my life and yearn for others to share theirs.  The good, the bad, the ugly.  Without judgement.  For me, this is the best way to learn and, hopefully, contribute.  Whether we agree or not.  My husband is MUCH more private.  SO, writing this blog comes with much thought and sometimes hesitation.  How much do I share for me (since it's my life) and how much do I NOT share for him (since it's his life too)?  I say this so you understand when I don't give specifics, I'm trying to honor him and me.   

I have no idea what 2011 holds but I hope it holds much more happiness, satisfaction and ease for everyone, no matter your circumstances.